Speech 2

Speech 2 Rough Draft

Speech Genre: Cop giving someone a ticket

I would be on Del Playa walking through the streets and see a person walking with alcohol hiding in their coat pocket. I would then sneak over to him in the crowd so I could talk to him. 

First I would walk up and stand in front of him.

• I would ask, “sir, is that an open container of alcohol in your pocket.
• Because he’s a little intoxicated and not sure what to do, he’ll say yes.
• Once he does this I’ll say “ok well then can you come over here sir”, and I’ll grab him by the arm and tell him to sit on the curb.

Next I would start asking him basic questions.

• I ask him whats in the bottle and when he tell’s me I say something such as “Oh, thats dangerous”, even though its really not necessary to tell him that.
• I’ll ask him how old is he is and he’ll tell me that he’s nineteen
• Once he says this I’ll ask him if he knows its against the law to drink before the age of 21, even though I know he already knows that. 
• I’ll then start to give him a lecture about the dangers of drinking underaged. For example…
• I might say that binge drinking can lead to death
• Drinking can lead to violent behavior 
• or drinking can lead to you driving intoxicated. 
• Then I’ll say that I’ve seen a lot of kids go down a bad path from drinking underaged, and that he should be carful to watch out for that in the future. 

After that, I will start to get his information so that I can start to write the ticket.

I’ll ask for things such as…

• His home address
• His phone number
• I’ll even ask him where he was headed too.

Finally

• I will ask him to give me the bottle, and then I will pour it out in front of him
• I will tell him when he is expected in court and why he has to go
• Then as I hand him a $600 ticket I will thank him for making this encounter so easy for me.

Start, stop, continue

Steven Barela 

The Pre-speech

My pre speech was good because I was able to get my point across to the audience and also set up the rhetorical situation I would be in. The Pre-speech was that I would be in the Macy’s elevator and I would run into my roommate Joey. I saw that Joey was buying a frying, which gave me an opportunity to talk to him about cooking safety and being cleaner around the house. 

Start:

• I would like to start using my hands more when I am talking
• It would be better if I was more energetic when talking, especially if it was supposed to be a conversation with my friend. I didn’t have enough passion when I was speaking even though it was something that really effected me. 
• Since it was a conversation, it would be better if I talked faster and hit my points quicker.
• I need to start using an opposing perspective so I can better communicate with my audience as to why I am right. 
• I need to do that so I can defend my point better. It will also help me to think about what they will use against me. This way I can really think about whether or not I agree with what I am actually saying. 
• I need to start using better transitions between my thoughts so that I can develop a proper flow for my speech. 
• I need to change up how I use my tone. I talked the same way throughout the entire speech and it started to get boring towards the end. If I don’t change my tone it would have annoyed my roommate instead of really informing him. 
• I need to start making more eye contact with the real audience. I used a person to stand in for my roommate. Even though this helped for my nerves it would have been better practice to actually talk to the whole class. 
• For my next speech I should work on trying to make it go well over the time limit so I am not as worried about my limit. When I think it may be to short it causes me to feel more nervous and messes with my pacing. When I was watching myself I noticed that I was talking much slower than I really would be to my roommate. 

Stop

• I need to stop being so motionless when I am presenting. I noticed that when I was talking, my left hand only left my pocket once. The other one was usually by my side. I also stood in one spot throughout the entire conversation. It looked very mechanical and nervous. 
• I also need to stop making my argument into a list. I didn’t like how all I did was tell my roommate all the things he was doing wrong. It creates a more hostile atmosphere and there’s less of a chance that the issue would be resolved. 
• I need to stop talking so quietly. I struggled to hear myself when re-watching the video. Even though I was the main subject of my video, the class room laughter was louder than myself. 
• I should not have used my other roommate as credibility unless he was there with me. 
• I used far to many filler words while giving my speech. I kept saying “umm” and “like”, but the one that bothered me the most was how I kept saying “you know what I mean”. It was very noticeable and kind of annoying after the first couple of times. I was aware that I was saying it during the speech, but I couldn't seem to stop. 

Continue

• I would like to continue speaking clearly so that everyone can understand me. Usually when I get nervous I start to stutter or slur my words. This is one of the first times that I was able to speak clearly throughout the whole presentation. 
• I would like to continue making my speech long enough. Nearly every speech I have ever given has been to short, because I forget certain points due to nerves. I was very prepared this time and only forgot to say the opposing viewpoint.
• The audience laughed during certain parts of my speech and I felt like they were engaged. 
• I liked how I was able to refrain from using my notecard. All the points I was trying to make where outlined on the card, but I was able to remember most of them. I only had to glimpse at the card once, but it surprisingly did not affect the pacing of my presentation. 
• The main thing I would like to continue doing is adapting the language to my audience’s needs. The way I was speaking made sense in the context of the situation and I would like that to continue in later speeches.